I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
