I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
