Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He felt like a one man threesome
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
