We're facebook friends in real life
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
