Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
