I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
