I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
