I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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