Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
