Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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