My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
