dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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