How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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