It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
