Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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