anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
