All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
