Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
