It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
