Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
