I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
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