you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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