dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
