My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
