The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
