yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
