Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
