the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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