Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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