Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
