You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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