3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
