So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
