We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
