If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
