Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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