I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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