its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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