I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
