after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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