I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
