Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
