ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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