I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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