Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There's always time for handjobs
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
