sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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