we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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