there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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