Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This is classic penis vs brain.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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