I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
